I know several of you have been waiting for the results and you probably realize that since we didn’t immediately jump for joy and send texts and emails, it wasn’t good news. We saw my doctors yesterday and I’m afraid the results fall into the really BAD news day category. Unfortunately, the PET/CT scan showed the tumor is metastatic and has spread to my lungs as well as some in my pelvis bone. And the worst news is that it is incurable. Chemotherapy will be used to treat and manage symptoms as they arise. I was sort of expecting the lung spread because of symptoms that I’d experienced at home this week: some shortness of breath and coughing up a little blood. But the incurable part is tough to digest. It is quite shocking and we are still letting it sink in.
I realize a lot of people wanted to know the results, and I wanted to post them rather quickly. Right now I’m not quite sure how I’m going to process this. I do know that in the next few days and weeks we will go through a roller coaster of emotions that will equate to being in the back car of the Scream Machine at Six Flags. We have already and will continue to cry…a lot. The thought of my boys and wife not having me around is beyond sadness and I can’t begin to imagine it without losing complete control and tears welling. Crying is not held back here, especially lately. We will get angry, but that probably won’t last long. Anger rarely helps solve problems. We will question the fairness of all this. But, given that I now have a countdown clock with unknown numbers above my head, any time wallowing “why me” is not well spent. We will also laugh some more. Regardless of how dire the situation, laughter and positivity will continue to be an essential coping mechanism for us. I hope, through this blog, to continue to make fun of this bully all the way to the end. No matter how much time I have left on this earth, cancer will win if I allow it to transform me, to depress me, or to take away any of my spirit.
The amputation is still on schedule for Wednesday. My leg has grown quite painful and I’m at the point of just wanting to get rid of it. I will begin chemo to treat the metastasis after Thanksgiving. For those who may be unfamiliar, chemotherapy is basically a regimen of drugs that are designed to target and destroy cells that grow more rapidly than other human cells. Cancer cells fall into that category. So the drug will hopefully shrink the lesions in my lungs and bone and leave the rest of my body alone, except for hair follicles and intestinal cells which also grow rapidly. That’s why during chemotherapy patients lose their hair and experience nausea. I’ll probably be nice and hairless by Christmas, just when I found a good local barber. Hats may be on the Christmas list this year.
More to follow, but I wanted to get the results out. Thank you to everyone again for all the support and posts. Your prayers and thoughts are incredibly encouraging and uplifting. It’s only been three posts so far, but this blog is turning out to be extremely therapeutic for my family and me and the support it has generated is humbling and overwhelming.
Hunter
Hunter. Jenn. This is devastating. I don’t know what to say, other than that I hope your doctors are a bunch of idiots and completely wrong… I also hope your time left is happier and longer than you can possibly imagine right now. You have a great legacy in your two little boys – they will be stronger men for having seen their father deal with the greatest stress imaginable and still come out a positive and loving man. I know they have the best Mom in the world too – one that is strong enough to keep going. Hailey
Hailey A. Clancy LTC, LG D/C&LS, x3801 Bartlett Hall room 407
Thanks Hailey. I really appreciated Jay visiting me in the hospital the other day.
Hunter, Sorry and shocked to hear about these new challenges. You are stronger than the cancer. I am happy to hear it is not going to control you. I believe in the power of prayer, and miracles do happen. Sharing your true emotions and being yourself shows how blessed you are with life. You, Jenn, and the boys are definitely an inspiration to all of us. I know you will look great in hats! Your dad does! Your mom looks cool in her western boots, so maybe you both could add a western hat to your wardrobe. Thank you for keeping us updated on your diagnosis. You and your family remain in my heart. Mary Peterson
Thanks Mary. I always look twice when my dad is not in a hat!
I am so sad to hear this news. I will continue to pray for you and Jenn and your family.
Thanks Wendy
Hey, Hunter. I am so sorry to hear about your PET/CAT results. I woke up this am knowing we would all hear from you. I prayed for a different outcome. I share in your tears. Your news feels so unfair.
I like Mary Peterson’s comment about not allowing cancer to control the rest of your life. You have choices each moment. You choose how you are going to live.
I pray that amputating your leg gives you the relief you need.
You are courageous. You are generous. You are a star…
Prayers. Love. Peace to you, Jenn, Ben, and Jack.
Hey Steph, I’m glad you prayed for a different outcome. I’m hoping there wasn’t an alternative choice! Thanks for the support again. We need to get the families together. Ben is low on his Steph hugs!
Really very sorry -that doesn’t come close – to hear that news, Hunter. Our prayers and thoughts are with all of you all the time to try to help you through that roller coaster.
Thanks Geoff.
No words..but always around for a good cry with you..not going to lie..already hit the crying part. Love you all..will be by all of ur sides through all of this!! Once again ..i have no words..
Thanks Swatee. Again – reassuring knowing you and everyone else are a few steps away waiting to help.
Hunter, this “bully”, this cancer is NO MATCH for your spirit, your wit, your courage! I am amazed at your ability to process unimaginable fears and grief and translate these feelings into words to post in this blog. You mentioned being humbled by blog responses, and I have to say I feel humbled to witness your journey, to hear your deep sorrows, and to feel your unbelievable resolve to meet this head on. Inspiration just barely gets at what I am feeling as I reread your entry.
Specific prayers for pain relief to be achieved post surgery tomorrow and prayers for the chemo to target those sites with gusto!
…Looking for some cool hats.
Thanks for the kind words Dee. I guess the specific prayers worked. I was pretty pain free for a good 12 hours after surgery.
Hunter and Jenn-I am so sad and so angry. You are a man of science and I’m sure that helps to understand, but as a parent, this is complete crap. I don’t even know what else to say other than I love you guys and I’m praying for time and a miracle.
Can I get you a beer can hat?
Thanks Charlie. I’ll still have Diet Coke in it though!
Hunter-
Just want to let you know that I am praying for you and for your family and for your continued strength. This is a tough battle, one that is very cruel and unfair. But know that there are a lot of people pulling for you. You are one of a kind and I feel lucky that I had the pleasure of working with you even for such a short amount of time. I will continue to follow your battle and will hope with all my heart for the best outcome. -Sarah
Thanks Sarah.
Hunter
It sickens me to hear this sad news. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this unfortunate time. May you continue to fight! Keep the faith! God Bless you and your family my friend!
Thanks Dan. I’m glad you’re following this blog. I miss working with you.
Hunter,
I can’t express how your news has affected me. As you know, I’m horrible at expressing myself and usually end up sticking my foot in my mouth. I keep remembering you on the train last year when you shared your thoughts about mindfullness, creation and stories about Jenn, Ben and Jack. You help me define some of my own thoughts about our amazing planet and the vast universe. And it says a lot for someone to inspire me enought to purchase a book and read it to completion. You are so full of life and have compassion and empathy for others. This is just not fair and we need to wake up from this bad movie. My thoughts are with you today and tomorrow during your surgery and each day thereafter as you travel this road. You have my phone number. If I can do anything, please don’t hesitate to call day or night. Ken
Thanks Ken. It was great seeing you in the hospital. We’ll have some more thought defining lunches soon!
Hunter and family – Wanted you to know that the Daughters of the King prayer group at Grace Calvary Episcopal Church in Clarkesville, GA is praying for all of you.
Edith Swarthout – a friend of Robin’s
Thank you Edith. That’s incredibly considerate.
Hunter, my thoughts and prayers are with you! We continue to miss your professionalism and great personality at DTRA! Hope goes a long way! My Daughter’s half brother was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor at 25, very scary time…they were able to remove all of it and we continue to stay positive! He is doing well as you will too! You can beat the nasty monster called cancer! Stay strong…your friend Michelle.
Hey Michelle – I’m glad your half brother is well. I agree about beating cancer and staying strong. Thank you for the thoughtful words.
I guess you caught me speechless. My prayers are with you and your family every night. I do believe in the power of prayer. I know it will be hard, but keep your spirit up and keep on making memories. I loved all the pictures of you and your family on facebook.
As far as loosing your hair, it is no big deal for us guys, heck, mine has been going south for sometime now. Anyways it is just like a military haircut. God Bless –Tim
Hey Tim. Wow…speechless! A first time for everything 🙂 I look forward to not having to cut it for a while!
Hunter & Jenn, I am so sorry about this news. I just wanted to let you know that you and your entire family are in my prayers. You are and will continue to be an inspiration and light to those around you, Hunter, as you battle this! Praying for the surgery to go well tomorrow. I agree with Mary that cowboy hats are in order for everyone this Christmas! Mary Ann has set the fashion trend with her new boots! Much love – Burneele Bates – friend of Mary Ann’s
Thanks Burneele! Don’t encourage my mother to buy any more boots!
Hunter,
You probably don’t know this, but, God used you over a year and a half ago to help me see what is really important in life. We talked about priorities and loving someone for who they are. You helped me make the right choice; one that has taken me along a path of gracious mercies. God loves you and your family and He will be with all of you through this whole thing. He will give you strength when you feel you have no more. He will uplift you, Jenn and the boys. You’re in my prayers multiple times a day and I will continue to pray for you.
Your humorous and courageous attitude will serve you well as you take this journey. Remember, there’s always going to be bad stuff out there. But here’s the amazing thing – light trumps darkness, every time. You can stick a candle in the dark, but you can’t stick the dark into the light.
On a lighter note, just think with inflation as high as it is, YOU will be the six million dollar man now (a boy’s lunchbox never lies).
I wonder if there are any Steve Austin hats out there?
Hey Andrea. I’m glad I was able to help you out then. You certainly were going through a rough patch but came out much stronger on the other side. Your happiness shines through. Please say hello to your children for me. Thanks Andrea!
Hunter, I am so sorry to hear about the latest test results. I read your blog last night about the need for amputation and couldn’t help but think of you dancing. If memory serves correct, you were not afraid to cut a rug at the 9th grade homecoming dance (or did you breakdance?) and then, of course, there was the chippendales style dance that you so graciously performed at our request for Ginny Speaks’ 15th birthday. Have you ever told your wife Jenn about that? Truly hilarious. You’ve always been one to step up for the sake of a good laugh. I have no doubt that you can still be a mean breakdancer after your surgery. You’ll have to show your boys some of your old moves 😉
I truly hope that this week’s surgery relieves much of your current pain and that your life is much longer than what they are now prognosticating. So, I leave you with this last thought. You can cry … cry hard – but live… live BIG. Your personality and strength is bigger than cancer. Know that there are many, many people out here that are praying for miraculous things. Stay strong, friend, and find a way to keep dancing 🙂
Hey Jennifer! Those were fun days! I wasn’t planning on telling Jenn about it….thanks. And I still have the IOUs that were stuck in my underwear waistband for Ginny’s b-day dance. I better cash them in. Thanks for the kind and supportive words. Youtube will have to buy more servers to hold my dance videos in a few months. I guess I’ll have to learn the “robot”! 🙂
“What the really great artists do is they’re entirely themselves. They’re entirely themselves, they’ve got their own vision, they have their own way of fracturing reality, and if it’s authentic and true, you will feel it in your nerve endings.”
― David Foster Wallace
I look forward to following your truth. Thank you for that exceptionally gracious gift.
Thanks Laura. That is a fantastic quote.
Hunter- your doctors will be prepared and proactive. Sending you our support and love as you face each day. We smile as we remember all of your gifts and humor. Thank you for including us in your fight.
Thanks Amy!
Thinking of the carefree days in sackets. This just seems so hard to believe. With all that you guys are going through, I appreciate you taking the time to post the results for all of us following your story. I don’t have any words that can do this situation justice. Andy and I are hoping and praying for you guys everyday.
Thanks Lisa! Sackets was a good time. With everything you guys have gone through with your children, I certainly appreciate the support and prayers.
My heart breaks for you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers each and every night. Keep the faith Sir and keep the fight.
Thanks Amanda! I still have a lot of fight left in me!
Hunter,
I’m sitting here at work and I just heard the news and I’m sure you know that I have tears running down my face (because you know I cry alot). I feel stunned, angry, sad all at the same time. In one of your posts you used the phrase “….a bunch of hooey” and I can literally hear you saying that right now and I almost need to turn around to see if you are standing there with that grin on your face. I wish there was something I could do – some miracle I could perform, but since I can’t I will say my heart and my thoughts are with you, Jenn and those beautiful boys. I’m far away, but I will do anything I can to help you guys out, even if it’s just lending an ear.
Thanks Jennifer! We’ll have to get on the phone soon. Although it might just end up with you crying the whole time! Thank you for the kind words.
Please know that we are praying for you and Jenn today. I was trying to figure out how to fly to Nashville before your surgery so I could take some family photos, but I saw on FB Jenn already had that covered. Please let us know how we can help you.
Thanks Rita. Yes, the photographer was kind enough to adjust her schedule to accomodate the session last weekend, before the surgery. Very nice.
Hunter,
I really appreciated your time at DTRA and your even keeled approach to all the chaos. Christi and I wish you and your family every blessing and comfort in the coming days. I’d like to leave you with the prayer I say over my kids each night: May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you an be gracious unto you, may He look upon you and give you peace. Amen.
Thanks Jeremiah! Good to hear from you! Thanks for the prayer but I’m not giving you a kiss goodnight!
Hunter,
I was really shocked and saddened to hear about your diagnosis and everything you’re facing. It’s hard for me to even process it….I can’t begin to comprehend what you’ve gone through in the last few weeks leading to where you’re at now. From your posts I can see you’ve already shown an incredible amount of strength in dealing with this. I’m sure a large part of your positive outlook comes from the love you and your family share. I’m looking forward to hearing about the great progress you’re going to make after your surgery, and I’m praying that you’ll set new longevity records for this type of cancer. God be with you and your family, Hunter!
Hey Chris! Yes longevity is a word I repeat every day! But also seizing the day has become so important. Thanks for the support and great to hear from you again!
6:
If anyone has the optimism to overcome this, it is you.
The Brewers will continue to keep you in their thoughts and prayers. Sorry we couldn’t talk yesterday, but I’ll find out when is a good time and we can laugh about ours days in Sackets and the 10th.
V
V, we should connect next week huh?
Hunter,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I will never forget the time you spent looking after me during your time at DTRA. You are a great person and I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to work with you. You were always the guy in the office that had a big smile and a perfect outlook on any situation. God be with you and your family.
John
Hey John! I hope your program is moving along. That’s funny because I always thought the same of you regarding the smile and good outlook. You’re going far brother. Enjoy the ride but don’t breathe the fumes at the gas stations!
Sir, we did not work together directly yet we worked in the same agency. You, your wife, and children are my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Annie. It’s incredibly thoughtful to get a note from someone I haven’t met. I appreciate the prayers.
Dear Hunter and Family,
I am so saddened by your unfortunate news, but being the ARMY STRONG man that you are, I’m sure you will beat this terrible “C” word and you will live a long and healty life. I will keep you and your family in my prayers that there is a bright outcome to this circumstance. Keep the faith and you shall prevail. Maybe we’ll do a hat collection at DTRA and send them to you, you can have a new one every day 🙂 Your very courages for sharing your story and we admire you for that. God Bless you and your family! Terri Bozarth-XO
Hey Terri! I look forward to the hats!
Derrick D from DTRA
Hunter, though we’ve never met my feelings of sorrow and regret are heartfelt. I know what it feels like to lose a family member; but, right now you can’t think about that, you have your family, your friends, and the blessing of being together regardless of any eventual consequence. From what I’ve read from you and the people responding to this blog, you have great spirit, resilience, a multitude of people to confide in, and a sense of humor-which I might add is a rare commodity and a gift from God. Don’t ever lose sight of yourself and a family that loves you beyond words. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hello Derrick. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. And you’re right about keeping that out of my thoughts. Thanks for the prayers!
Hunter,
It was with great sadness that I discovered you and your family’s plight and you will all be in my family’s prayers. Stay strong and embrace the love you hold for your family, it will both carry you through the hard times and be a lasting gift for them.Know that you continue to meaningfully change all who have the privilege to know you.
Thank you Jon. I miss working with you.
Hunter,
We worked together for a short time here at DTRA. I must say that it was always a pleasure to see you as you have the most positive attitude and a Fantastic smile. As others have said, keep your Faith first place in your life and turn to Almighty God in times of uncertainty and in times of praise. He holds you and your family in the palms of His hands, today, tomorrow and Always. I am praying for you, your wife and your Beautiful boys. God Bless and keep you.
Hey Lisa Shipe – Human Resources 🙂 Thanks for the prayers and kind words.
Hunter, may the Lord God, Jesus and Mary be with you and your family throughtout this entire ordeal.
Thank you.
Hunter,
I found out about your battle with cancer from Andrea. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. As they say, a positive attitude can make all the difference in the world. Stay strong and positive. I salute you for hanging tough in such a difficult time. I really hope things work out. Miracles DO happen. If there’s anything I can do to help, please do let me know. Remember we all have guardian angels watching over us. I’m sure yours is keeping you and your beautiful family in her sights too.
God bless,
Girija from DTRA
Thank you Girija. Those are kind words.
Hunter,
I am very sad after reading the email from headquarters today. I had no idea you were facing something like this. My thoughts, hopes, and prayers go out to you and your family. Good luck in the coming days and weeks. I will be thinking of you. Let me know if I can help out in any way.
Keep the faith my friend.
Jeff
Thanks Jeff.
My thoughts are with you and the family. You are.
Thanks Dale. 🙂
MANY thoughts are with you all….
Thanks Mary!
Hunter,
I am so proud to be able to share this journey with you and share in your sadness and in your laughter and in your hope. When I first read your blog Monday, I, like everyone else, could only think of that radiant energy that always shines from you and, even with hearing that the news was not the good kind, can’t imagine any force that can dim your spirit. My husband was traveling to just outside Nashville for Tuesday-Thursday of this week and somehow it made me feel like I would be just a bit closer to you during your surgery. You and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing with us that we can laugh and cry with you along the way. And if your brilliant light is feeling a bit dim sometimes in the coming days, hopefully our energy can be a source of renewal for you! Even better than plugging in an electric car 🙂 XOXO
Thanks Jennifer! I like your brilliant light concept. The comments on this blog have certainly been a source of strength for me and my family. So I think it’s working!
Hunter-Man, the lengths LTCs will go through now days to get out of taking the Army APFT! I heard about every excuse in the book when I was in the Army, but you top them all!
Seriously, like others, I was stunned to learn the tragic news and my heartfelt prayers go out to you and your family. I’ve always believed that the measure of a man is not in how he acts during the good times, but how he acts when faced with adversity. You’re proving your measure by fighting the good fight, maintaining your sense of humor and your determination to not just surrender. You’ve been, and remain, a role model for your boys and they’ll be able to look back on your example when they face adversity in their own lives and know that whatever they’re facing, their father faced much greater adversity with his head up and spirit high. This is part of your legacy to them.
No kidding Sir! I’ll still do the swim someday! I really appreciate the legacy idea. I hope this does serve as part of my instructions to them. Great hearing from you.
Hunter, Just found out and am in shock. I am back with CXC and miss our conversations about running. I am not going to dwell on this. I will pray my ass for you. You know me, I don’t ever give up on anything and hope to hell their is a miracle out there to get you through this. Good luck Brother. Sully
I miss CXC Dan. Next time the conversations will be about how much energy return my blade prosthetic will provide!