Yet another attempt of this disease to break my spirit – I had my first amputee fall Friday night. I was getting out of bed to use the little boy’s room. The usual routine is to get out of bed using the walker/hopper, then transfer to the crutches to use around the house. A combination of the pain meds and being vaguely awake at 3 AM led to a very low state of attentiveness. When I attempted to transfer to the crutches, I lost my balance and fell on Short Round. Fortunately, I fell on padded carpet, the wound held and no serious damage occurred.*
It’s really strange and lends to the idea that time slows during a distressing event, but while I was falling, I knew I was going fall on my limb. I was afraid, but also slightly relieved because I was having my first (and hopefully last!) fall and didn’t need to dread it anymore. As I hit, I felt the jarring impact of what is left of my femur on what is left of my upper leg muscles and then patiently waited for the pain to hit. I didn’t have to wait long. It started at the end of Short Round, quickly shot up to my brain which processed it and decided, yup that needs to hurt and finally ended up as me yelling beyond the top of my lungs just to ensure Jenn woke up. The phantom pains were mere apparitions compared to what accompanied landing on Short Round. Luckily, it didn’t last as long. Jenn heard me, woke up with her own personal expletives, turned on the lights and quickly came to my side. She helped me get up, gently held me as I whimpered and assisted me back into bed. She inspected my limb and we both determined there was no bleeding and that the wound held. After getting back into bed, I was frightened. What if there was internal damage that would delay a prosthetic? Or something that would require another hospital visit? I held Jenn’s hand and fell back to sleep, my fear softened with Jenn next to me. We both woke up a few hours later, and looked at Short Round again. It felt like a bruise and not much more. We had a nurse come to the house to inspect it and gave us some relief as she agreed with our assessment.
After some reflection, I think what really shook me was possibly having to take a few steps back in my progress. Friday morning, after a good night’s sleep, I had a great physical therapy session, stayed out of bed for most of the day, and was able to participate in and enjoy family activities. Short Round was feeling better, and I was dealing with the phantom pains pretty well. I even went outside for a while on my crutches and caught up with the neighbors. It felt more like a normal Friday after Thanksgiving than recovering from surgery. Then, that night, I was humbled and literally knocked down a few notches. But, as I’ve previously mentioned and believe throughout this experience, I will not allow myself to be deterred by setbacks or whatever else cancer has in store for me. I will analyze and accept the sometimes brutal reality, dig into it to find the positive and humorous aspects even if they are deeply buried and highlight those. While not always easy, for me it’s the most effective way to cope with this silliness.
Falling did put me on the sofa all day on Saturday instead of enjoying the day walking around on crutches. But it did have positive results as well. I was able to watch some great college football, spend quality time with my boys and Jenn, and enjoy some more Thanksgiving leftovers. I had time to respond to the sincere blog posts and emails that folks have taken time to write. The fall could have been a lot worse too. A bruise is much easier to manage than an open wound or broken bone. I’m always pleasantly surprised at just how much the human body can withstand. My mind believes that a fall such as that one, a little more than two weeks post-surgery, should have inflicted more damage than it did. But it was only a bruise. A bruise that gave way to some thoughtful insight that fortified our family’s resilience just a little more.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Thank you again for all the responses and views of this blog. It is heartening and reassuring to know that so many thoughtful friends and family from all over the world are following this crazy journey. Jenn and I are overwhelmingly inspired that we can express our honest and candid feelings during it and those feelings will be received with sincere empathy and concern. The blog has turned out to be a wonderful win-win. Our reaction to this disease has been inspirational to many folks and in turn, we are inspired by the genuine compassion demonstrated by the replies.
Hunter
* If you would like to read about an amputee who sustained a serious injury after a fall following surgery, I suggest reading a blog post by Rob Gregory (http://survivingsarcoma.com/?p=936). Rob was diagnosed with a synovial sarcoma on October 27th, 2010 and decided to blog about it. The rest of his blog is incredibly genuine and articulate and I have drawn a great deal of inspiration from him and his accurate descriptions of his experience. His tumor grew in his right calf, and fortunately he was not metastatic at diagnosis. He underwent several rounds of chemo prior to his amputation and his courage is just plain remarkable. He also believes in maintaining a positive attitude and using humor throughout his ordeal. It is pleasure to read.
It's Not a Sprint 
Hunter, really happy you enjoyed some normalcy Thursday and Friday. I’m deep into memorizing the PMBOK to prepare for 12/3 sitting of the PMP exam and aside from turkey day and an amazing Washington win over Dallas, have let nothing except these five minutes to see how you’re doing distract me from studying (though I’d love to turn off the PC and turn on the Bears game. Thank you for guiding me to Rob Gregory’s blog for more inspiration. You’re the best!
Hey Mike – Good luck on the exam this week. Rob is a pretty amazing guy.
Remember that we all get knocked down a few notches at some point! The football games Saturday and today were great for all to see — I should have spent less time watching games and more time grading. 🙂 Let me know if you need anything and keep on keepin’ on!
Thanks Tom!
Hunter, Ouch! I’m glad the fall didn’t result in anything more serious than the pain you experienced (I’m sure that was more than enough all by itself!). I’m glad the rest of your Thanksgiving day and weekend were pretty restful and enjoyable. Take care!
Thanks Chris!
Hunter, having heard from Holly and Tim Hill (I’m Holly’s mother) about you and the tremendous challenges you have and are facing, I’ve come to know you not only through this blog, but from their stories as well. I see from the comments posted that you have friends and family who love you and would do anything to support you and your sweet family through this frightening situation. As you have already discovered, good day, bad day, come what will, Love will lift you . . . love will always lift you. I look forward to reading the progression of your recovery, completion of school and return to West Point!
Thank you Alma! Very nice hearing from you! I know we will meet in the near future. Thank you for the encouraging words.
I continue to be amazed by your outlook. You are one of the most courageous people I’ve come across. I’m sorry for your fall but amazed at your ability to find the good and bounce back. When I think of the way I have whined and cried in the last few months just recovering from knee surgeries, I am ashamed. I hope you had a wonderful time with your sister and nieces on Thanksgiving. I know your Mom and Dad were so glad to have them there. Are your parents still there or headed back home?
Stay strong, Hunter, and keep holding on to the love and admiration we all have for you. Holding you all tightly in my prayers!
Thanks Debbie! Everything is relative. No surgery is fun. No reason to be ashamed. I still whine about my small ones too!
Hi Hunter –
The link to your blog was forwarded to me some weeks after you started it. I did not know what happened to you prior to receiving the link and like most people who know you, I was shocked and saddened. I have been reading your blogs but I have been unable to leave a reply because I did not know what to say. I still am having trouble getting my words together, but I want you to know I am sincerely touched by your strong spirit, your desire to kick cancer’s butt and not let it get to you. I admire your amazing ability to share and put into words what you and your family are going through. They say God never gives you more than you can handle and I like to think that I could be as strong as you are if I were in the same situation, but I don’t know that I could be. I am proud of your fight, keep it up, we all have your back. I am keeping you and the entire Lindsey family in prayer and hoping for the very best for you all.
Joyce Goodin
Hey Joyce! Great to hear from you and your kind words are very uplifting. Thank you for them. I’m glad you have gotten on the blog.
Hunter, just finished reading “After the Fall” and also Rob Gregory’s blog, “Clean-up Aisle Nine’, both frightening accounts, and sooo relieved to hear that Short Round did not require a medical intervention. I was so touched by your sweet reference to your amazing partner, Jenn, and how she soothed your spirit after the fall. What great medicine is love, nothing surpasses it.
Steph Maley and your sister both describe you as quite the hilarious “jokster”, and the fact that you can unearth humor in the midst of this battle, well, it’s a precious gift that you are sharing with all of us.
And on a light note, can’t wait to hear how Short Round will continue to upstage Indiana Jones 🙂 (referencing the t-shirt of course)…
Prayers and Peace to you and your precious family!
Thank Dee. Jenn has been incredible. And yes, so far Short Round has been a great reference to get us through this!
Hunter – truly saddened to hear of the stream of events that have led to this blog but delighted to see the same person’s indefatigable spirit behind the words! Had plenty of antidotes that came to mind – I am never one to be all that serious – but i will save them for another time 🙂
Wish you the best and continued improvement!
Thanks Bill. Great to hear from you! And nice use of the word indefatigable! You must have been edumacated in the south! Can’t wait to hear your anecdotes!
You never cease to amaze me by taking the negative and turning it into a positive. But that’s Hunter. Always finding the silver lining. Good luck tomorrow. Hope you have a bunch of books loaded on your Nook! We’re all pulling for you as you go through this.
So glad that Short Round was minimally affected by your bobble. But then again, he’s a scrapper. Guess you picked a very appropriate name! So you don’t get a perfect ten for that dismount. You should be belayed from your bed anyway! At the very least a safety net. That thing is high! Sheesh!
Love ya!
Thanks Jolene! I didn’t stick the landing!
We’re praying for you and your family as you begin chemo today.
Hey Sir. Thanks for the reply! Nice to hear from you and I hope your family is well too!
Hunter,
Sorry about your fall. Your words show great character and strength through all your challenges. You continue to nourish us through your gift to write and express yourself. You and your family were in my prayers as you began your chemo yesterday.
Take care and God bless!
Always,
Mary
Thanks Mary! Always great to hear from you!
Hey Hunter,
I am sitting at work and just wondering how you are getting along. Sorry to hear about your fall but relieved to hear of only bruising and nothing more serious. I hope the chemo yesterday was uneventful. I’m trying to picture what you will look like bald. I think you should go for the Mr Clean look with a large gold earring in both ears. Well at least one to start with. But please no nose rings. I hear they can be sort of messy. 🙂 Take care. Ken
Thanks Ken! I can’t wait to see my scalp too. I do like the Mr. Clean idea though.