It's Not a Sprint

Hey all

Fortunately, not too much of a medical update today – no big news is good news.  I think the chemo side effects are wearing off, at least the ones that I can sense.  I feel a little less fatigued every morning when I wake up.  I’ve slept very well every night since we returned from the hospital.  I’ve had more energy in the morning; puttering around the house a little, moving Short Round some.  Then I’ll need a small nap in the afternoon.  Of course all this starts over again soon, but at least this time I’ll know what to expect!  It’s all a part of getting through these few months, to get back to the new normal.  The phantom pains are still with me, but not to the previous extent.  Instead of constantly bombarding me, they are now in a peppering stage, only occasionally visiting.  They usually lay me up more than the chemo fatigue.  My appetite has returned and I’m off the anti-nausea meds.  The chemo has made a lot of foods and drinks taste pretty lame – even water which is usually my go to drink of choice.  So, I’ve enjoyed sampling the newer water flavors which make it much more bearable.  I like Dasani so far, but if anyone has more recommendations, feel free to post.  No hair loss yet – that may start after the next treatment or a bit sooner.  Again – pics will proudly be posted!  And of course, I’m expecting many return pics of sympathetic shaved heads :).

We had an assessment interview with our prosthetic folks this week.  If trepidation and anxiety are symbolized by the icy unpredictability of metastatic cancer, then the other end of Hunter’s personal cancer spectrum, progress and headway, are represented by the prosthetic.  Because we are still in the unknown stage of the cancer part, just waiting to see if these treatments have an effect on my lung and pelvis tumors, subconsciously I was expecting a dire outlook for my prosthetic forecast too.  I have to admit the fear of not knowing the cancer prognosis has unsuspectingly seeped in and chipped at my determination.  But not once during the entire interview did the prosthetist tell me what I could not do.  I hope all prosthetists are like ours – straightforward and no BS but with a positive outlook.  I would think most are.  The appointment started with phantom pains, but excitement overruled by the end.  He wanted to assess how I would use my new leg, what activities I would like to return to, what to expect once I receive it, and then actually which leg I would hopefully be using.  He asked me what my short term goals are for 3-6 months from now.  I thought for a moment and realized that I will probably be back at work in lab, walking somewhat normally, with little assistance, getting on with my life, which right now seems foreign.  I would be playing with my children and doing household tasks for my wife (about time!)  At the near 6 month time, I will probably be thinking about getting back to running.  I told him all this and he nodded with certainty, typing it all into his computer.  I described my work and home environments and he had no hesitation about me getting around in them.  It was a moment of realization – that life will move on and I’ll be a part of it.  No matter what the outcome, I will prevail over this disease.  With the help of folks like him and my friends and family, my resolve is continually restored and the positive always bubbles to the top.

He also asked me about my running.  I told him that I had been a marathon / half-marathon runner but didn’t really expect to return to that – maybe shorter races.  He looked at me and asked why not?  His quizzical look stopped me for a second.  Then I remembered back to some of the inspirational thoughts and experiences regarding this whole ordeal that have helped – the amputee Soldiers I saw running the Army ten miler and amputee Soldiers and Marines deployed in Afghanistan, and I’m sure elsewhere.  Many more multiple amputees are out there who are much worse off than just a leg and they are just getting things done, making progress.  I realized I needed bring my focus back on those positive aspects.  Knowing each one has his or her own story with unique challenges, I imagine an overall just-make-it-happen attitude prevailed in the end for most which allowed them to get through the more difficult parts of their journey.  So I responded that I would love to run halfs (which I’ve always thought are the perfect distance) and maybe a whole sometime in the future.  I was expecting him to raise his eyebrows questioningly, maybe expecting me to lower my expectations.  Instead, he simply explained how it was done with the running prothetics and other challenges that need to be met, including keeping the socket (the part that attaches to Short Round) in place during long runs – but of course, not impossible.  After the interview, he went on to describe the impressive technology in two of the latest everyday microprocessor prosthetics that are on the market (if anyone is interested, they are the C-Leg and the Genium, both developed by a company named Ottobock.)  He was very excited and precisely demonstrated how the legs would function and what original problems they fixed over traditional mechanical legs.  I could sense that he loved this part of the job – giving people hope and confidence.  He certainly did that for me.  His can-do attitude and never-flinching purpose were just what I needed in a low time.  I left there feeling like I was going to be back on my feet soon!

I’m now looking forward to getting on with the prosthesis and doing the difficult, sometimes painful things that just need to be done to wear one.  The benefit will far outweigh the cost and I’m grateful to my prosthetist for unknowingly pointing it out to me this week.

Hunter